Grief
My son passed on January 2020. He took his nap at day care around 1230 and never woke up. He had turned 15 months that day. My world exploded. I have never felt so much pain in my life. I was working on my postal route. Luckily I was close when I got the call. It was my husband telling me Owens gone, I couldn’t compute some reason I thought he was joking…. Like this isn’t real life what was he talking about he can’t be he is a wild wonderful seemingly healthy baby. Yet I was getting a call my son has passed. The worst call in my life. I screamed at the top of my lungs and booked it to the sitters and cried and yelled at got and pleaded and said you have brought others back to life let it be my baby. I begged and pleaded and thought that maybe just maybe he would be alive when I got there.
He wasn’t. I got out of my car to see the ambulance in the driveway. My husband and a cop. My husband wanted to console me but I was angry I pushed him away and said where is my son. And walked to the ambulance as if I was walking on stilts. As soon as I seen him I new he was gone. My body did something insane and I fell to my knees and banchi screamed with my mouth straight to the heavens I have never heard this noise from my mouth and never felt such deep pain. I was shaking uncontrollably and made my way to my son. I placed my hands hovering over my son’s body like scanning for any signs of life. He has a neck brace one wires coming from him and only a diaper on. I looked for signs of neglect or anything.
I asked if I could hole my baby, I’m sure they were not supposed to let me but I wasn’t going to let them say no. He was mine I gre him inside my body. They took the brace off and wore. He had red splotches on his neck. From the brace. He felt different heavier his body was still warm. I was still shaking but controlled myself enough to realize this is my last moment to memorize everything on his body. His birthmark under his arm that I thought he would make a joke out of and walk it with his muscle when he would be a teen because he was a jokester. His beautiful brown and green eyes like his momma. His eye lashes. His thick feet. His beautiful skin. His hair back. His little hands. And his beautiful thick brown hair the first thing I seen when he came into this world. I kissed his little eyes and held him as long as they would let me. I told him I loved him so much over and over. I kissed his little face until he began to get cold. And then I realized my husband needs his time and asked him I if he wanted to also. He did so we cried and held and took out last moments with our baby. We also called family that answered if they wanted to see him.
The took him away. And I sat there taking it all in for a moment and seen his cloths cut to get them off him. I grabbed them they were all I had now that he last touched. I clutched them close and walked out of the ambulance. And seen them putting my baby in a body bag. God I almost fell. I started walking towards them. But got held back by my husband coo and mothernlaw. I fought them to release me for a minute then relaxed and cried saying I just want to say goodbye. So the released me I asked if I could kiss him they unIoped the bag so I gave my beautiful angel one last kiss before they took my beautiful boy away.